You're a mean one....Mr. Grinch...

Is 2010 over yet? Really- I think this year has been cursed! Where to begin with the past couple of months??

Quick run down- Surgery, Georgia sick, Me sick, Thanksgiving, visiting with Michael, trip to Naples (Brilliant idea one week post surgery & sick), Trip to New Jersey & New York with Georgia- amazing trip and had so much fun in the city together. I'd never seen the city at Christmas time and it was such an awesome experience to see it with my daughter all dressed up for the holidays!

annnd catch my breath! Tuesday I was back at work thinking to myself "Wow, I finally fell normal again from the surgery! This is going to be a great week- Georgia and I will be able to hang out since I've finished all my Christmas shopping and be able to relax! Things are finally back to normal".

WRONG....

A call came in yesterday about 2:30pm from the management office of my apartment complex. "Hi, Melanie, we are calling to let you know it looks like your apartment has been broken into."

What do you say to that? I can tell you what happens- you go into a state of shock. Once again you go through the motions. My dad and I left the office and drove over to the complex. Let me just say right now I chose this complex for safety. I specifically chose my apartment for the proximity to the garage and the "open-ness" of it. It is not hidden. A police officer lives within the same courtyard I live in. So I thought I was safe.

On the way there I thought of all the material possessions I had in my apartment. How my mom and I just had a conversation last week discussing how I needed to get a safety deposit box at the bank to put my jewelery in. The Christmas Presents wrapped under the tree. Designer bags, shoes, clothes in the closet. I can tell you I imagined the worst- my Christmas China crashed and broken on the floor, my drawers dumped out. I imagined total and complete destruction. Since my dad was following me he called on the way there. "Listen" He said, "Anything you thought was important will be gone. You need to prepare yourself for this. It will be okay. We will make it okay, but don't let this get to you." So I steeled myself.

We arrived the same time at the police and walked over to the apartment together. The front door had been kicked in. I held my breath as the door was opened and looked inside. When you first peered in it looked as though nothing had been touched. Once inside every electronic I owned was gone. TV's, Laptop, Camera's (Yes, my favorite still what I considered "new" DSLR and all my point and shoots) iPods, Georgia's Leapster systems that hooked up to the TV. Louis Vuitton Bags, Coats even, My down comforter and sheets (apparently to wrap the TV's in as they carried them out the door). My entire Jewelery Box- just picked up off the counter and gone. And the worst part- every single Christmas gift I had purchased for Georgia and wrapped under the tree.

My favorite Christmas movie growing up was "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and there I was standing in my living room imagining a Grinch- like creature slithering about my place "Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room and he took every present". Playing through my head on repeat..."You're a monster, Mr. Grinch. You're heart's an empty hole. You're brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul..."

And just like that- everything is gone.

Georgia and I packed up what was left that had any value to it and moved on. We stayed at my dad's last night and I am about to go see if I can break my lease and move out hopefully this weekend. I feel completely disgusted. I had not made Georgia's bed yesterday before school and work so some of her blankets were on the floor. First thing I did was strip down her bed and wash and dry her blankets and sheets. Then I cover the entire apartment with Clorox wipes trying to clean it.

Maybe sometimes you need to purge yourself of things in order to move on. All those material things that went through my mind on my way over don't really mean anything. They belong in a life I don't live in anymore.
"You have to let go of the past to move on to the future".Dear God, I'm letting go.

Is it all ready December?

Is it really all ready December?? Gosh time has flown by! I can't believe it!!

I took Georgia to see Disney Princesses on Ice a couple of weeks ago and she LOVED it! I really love this age- she is really growing up.

I had to have surgery the week before Thanksgiving and still haven't quite recovered from it although it's been 2 weeks. I keep thinking back to the first time this was done when I was 15 years old and then went to dance in a show 2 weeks later. I guess I'm not 15 anymore! This particular procedure was quite a bit more invasive, but I'm hoping to be back to normal in another 2 weeks. Actually- that is what my doctor says. For myself I would have liked to be back to normal yesterday!

So needless to say starting out the holidays (Thanksgiving) with a surgery isn't the best. Georgia came home a few days after my surgery with 104 degree temperature!!! I took her into the doctor and she had 2 ear infections, strep throat and scarlett fever. When the doctor said "Scarlett Fever" I almost lost it! I began thinking she was going to be hospitalized and all sorts of things. Then I asked what exactly it was and found out it's really just a rash that can go along with Strep. It can be deadly but if you get them on antibiotics it will clear up. So Georgia started antibiotics and was almost back to normal after a few days. Unfortunately less than a week after my surgery I caught the cold she had and was completely knocked out.

We both got it together enough to go to my sister's house for Thanksgiving. My little brother who I haven't seen a year and 3 months was in town and I was SO excited to see him! He is in the NAVY and stationed in Virginia. He was deployed last year to Bahrain so our visits with him are few and far between. We had a great time with family and lots of great food! I flew out that afternoon to Naples (Florida) yep fresh out of surgery and recovering from whatever virus Georgia passed on to me. Luckily it was super relaxing and I got to spend some time with some great people.

Georgia is 100% better now and I am getting there! We are ready for all the Christmas festivities that come with the month of December- Moody Garden's lights, Hot Chocolate, Festivals, Family and Fun!

Blessed

Sometimes life gets a bit over whelming. Now that I am a working girl it's been hard to find a balance. I yearn to spend days on end with Georgia just being with each other. Watching her grow. Teaching her things. Work itself is an adjustment. There is so much to learn. Things have to be done- no way around it. At first I joked I had brain damage. I simply could not retain information. Looking back I was in such a fog. Life was swirling around me and I was simply trying to grasp on.

Wake Up.

Wake up Georgia.

Cook Georgia Breakfast.

Make Georgia's Lunch.

Get Dressed.

Get Georgia Dressed.

Take Georgia to school.

Try to not cry on the way to work after she had another melt down dropping her off.

Go to Work.

Call School- check in on Georgia.

Leave Work.

Pick up Georgia.

Try to run errands.

Spend time with Georgia.

Find Dinner.

Feed Georgia Dinner.

Bathe Georgia.

Put Georgia in bed.

Pur Georgia back in bed.

Put Georgia back in bed.

Put Georgia back in bed.

Give up and let Georgia sleep with me.

Go to bed.

Repeat.

In free time try to figure out a plan for my life.

I know many people do this, but adjusting to this schedule while going through the turmoil of waking up to reality is hard. Very hard. I miss my daughter. It seems as though there is never enough time in the day to spend with her any more. I know I have grown though- I've realized the only person I can ever rely on completely is myself. I am becoming more and more comfortable with that thought every day.

More so I have realized I am so very blessed. God has surrounded me with love and protection. He blessed me with strength and knowledge. He has provided me with family and people who really do love and support me. He blessed my life with my daughter 3 1/2 years ago whom I am so very thankful for.

Sure I get frustrated and irritated and mad. But I have also been blessed. Just trying to keep that in my focus.

Moving on and Life Changes

As many of you all ready know I am in the process of becoming a single mom. This has been a long process that is not over yet, but I feel to move on I have to acknowledge it. Seems a little weird to "announce" this over a blog, but I started this blog to update my friends and family on Georgia's life and I can't truly keep people updated while there is something hidden in the closet for a lack of a better term.

It has been an awakening experience and journey on finding out who truly supports my daughter and I. People I thought would stand behind me have fallen. Those I was not sure I could count on have continually stepped up to help me out. I have to say I am truly blessed. Not once have I felt scared or alone. I have a conviction I will make it through this and be a better and stronger person. You have to stand up for what is right.

Now that is over with here is a true account of the summer....

After the separation Georgia and I continued to live in the house for a few months. In August we moved out of the house and into an apartment. We have had a great time setting the place up and making it ours. I am so proud of Georgia. I knew this was going to be hard for her. Watching her go through this at times has literally broken my heart into a million pieces. Understand I would have never put my daughter through this if I thought there was any other way. She is a strong little girl. She is happy about our "new apartment" and loves to be there.



The year has flown by. I hope for and end to all of this soon. It isn't fun to have to deal with a continual fight day after day, but I guess that is what has to be done until things are settled. Maybe everything will be wrapped up by the end of the year and I will be able to leave all of this behind me in 2010. A fresh start for 2011.

Disney World

Georgia and I have had a very busy summer this year!

In June Georgia started going to a school 3 days a week while I went back to work. Being away from her has been a very hard transition for both of us and while we both are adjusting and enjoying the new changes in our lives at the same time it's still really, really hard! In July she started going 4 days a week and I am now working for my Dad which has been a huge blessing!

A few months ago I knew I wanted to take Georgia on a special trip for her and I to spend some time together- what better place to go that the most magical place on Earth- Disney World!!! I decided it would be an amazing trip to share with my Mom and Grandmother.

We all flew out last Thursday to begin the fun. Georgia is in love with all things Princess so you can imagine the fun she had! I can't descirbed the look on her face when we entered the Magic Kingdom for the 1st time and she walked down Main Street USA and saw the Castle. Pure amazement! It wasn't crowded and most rides we were able to walk right on and enjoy. She did so well on this trip I am very proud of her!

We flew in early Thursday with the intent of going to the park that afternoon. The night before with all the excitement Georgia decided to stay awake until midnight which did not bode well for our 5am wake up call to make it to the airport. We arrived at the hotel via Disney's Magical Express and my mom took Georgia swimming. We had dinner reservations that night at the Grand Floridian with Cinderella but poor Georgia was so exhausted she and I stayed in the hotel while my mom and grandmother went to Epcot for the evening. I have to say I was happy to do this as I too was exhausted!

Friday we were up and at it! Breakfast was at the Grand Floridian where we met Alice in Wonderland, Mary Poppins, Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and The Mad Hatter. This was Georgia's first experiance with the characters and just as I guessed she loved the people dressed as people (Alice, Mary Poppins) but was pretty terrified of the people dressed as Characters (Pooh, Tigger, etc.)Friday was also my Mom's 50th Birthday. After breakfast- the food was delicious by the way, they brought over the 1st of a never ending stream of birthday cupcakes we would be enjoying over the rest of the weekend to celebrate her birthday. We were then off to spend the day at The Magic Kingdom. When we walked into the park it just happend to be the same time the "Move it, Shake it, Celebrate it" Block party was starting. The parade passed us by then invited us to follow behind until we reached the area right in front of the castle. Then we all danced and grooved to the music with the characters. What a way to enter the park! Georgia was loving it! We spent the rest of the day riding rides and meeting characters. We lucked into meeting the princesses- Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Belle all at once. Georgia was a little unsure about it at first but by the time she met Belle she was totally into it. She talked to Belle for a LONG time- it was precious!

After the princess meetings it was about time for the second parade of the day so we ran over and got great seats. What an amazing parade. All the characters were in it. Georgia blew kissed to Prince Charming and when she saw Ariel she shouted "Ariel!! It's me, Georgia!"

That night we went to Epcot- they were open late if you were staying at a Disney Resort. We rode Finding Nemo (awesome ride) and had Turtle Talk time with Crush. Georgia then got to meet Mickey, Minnie, Pluto & Goofy for the 1st time. We ate dinner at Epcot then went to see the fireworks. Georgia wasn't into it- so we left and went on a few more rides and then back to the hotel.

Saturday was at Animal Kingdom. In the morning we had breakfast with Donald & Daisy Duck, Mickey, Minnie & Goofy. The food was soooo good at the Tusker House, but Georgia was still a little scared of the characters I walked her around a lot while they were there. We then went on the safari and saw lots of animals. The Lion King Show was amazing and Georgia loved it. Afterward Chip and Dale were outside who ended up being the only characters in full costume that Georgia really loved. We rode a few rides then Georgia and I went back to the hotel to rest! It was sooo hot! Afer we relaxed for awhile we went back to the Magic Kingdom and met back up with my mom and grandmother for dinner and walked around.It was really crowded on this evening since they were having the "Night of Joy" concert so we left after a short time and went back to the hotel.

Sunday we went to Hollywood Studios. This was probably my favorite day. They had a Playhouse Disney puppet show that Georgia loved- Little Einstiens, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Handy Manny and Tigger and Pooh were all there and it was a lot of fun. After that we ate lunch at the Sci Fi Drive in. We all enjoyed it, but I think my grandmother loved it the most! We then split up and my mom took Georgia to ride Toy Story while Memaw and I went on the Hollywood Tower of Terror and then the Rock and Rollercoaster. So much fun! The parade was next. We had a front row spot. When they came by they stopped right in front of us for the show and pulled Georgia out to dance with them. She got into the groove pretty quickly and it was maybe the most adorable thing I've ever seen!

It was off to the Magic Kingdom again! My mom and I wanted to ride Space Mountain so Memaw took Georgia to ride Snow White- which they ended up riding 7 times in a row! We came back and whild I took Georgia on it again my grandmother started talking to a "cast member" at Disney who told her she could give us a "Magical Experiance" since it was our last night there and take us to the front of the line for the Peter Pan ride. Such an neat experiance! We walked right up to the front and the whisked us on and off just in time for us to make it to dinner at Cinderella's castle. By this time Georgia had begun to introduce herself as "Cinderella" when someone asked her name. On our way to the castle I said "We're going to eat at Cinderella's Castle" to which Georgia promptly replied, "No! We are going to eat at MY castle!"

We walked into the Castle and Georgia was greeted by Cinderella herself for a photo shoot. They talked for a long time- all of the princesses really seemed to spend a lot of time with Georgia and really engage her in a conversation. The food was delicious! Ariel is one of Georgia's favorites and she was so excited when she came over to visit. Snow White was last and when she walked up Georgia ran to her and buried her head in her chest and just held on around her neck forever. It was precious!

All in all it was an amazing trip! I am so glad I was able to experiance it with my mom, grandma and especially Georgia!

I will try to find some time to post the pictures and video later on!

Performing Arts at the Bedre's

These videos crack me up- the one of her singing to herself in the bathroom mirror is eerily similar to a video of me around age 4 doing almost the same thing. The next video you have to watch the clip from Beauty and the Beast to truly get it. I swear she comes up with this stuff all on her own!

Georgia singing in the mirror:


Beauty and the Beast Clip:


Georgia singing Beauty and the Beast:

Moments

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what I want in life. What does anyone want in life?

I know I want to be happy- regardless of what people think of me.

I want to stop putting so much stock into what people think of me. I am who I am- if you don't like me or what I stand for then who cares? You probably don't know me well enough or have taken the time to get to know me any way!

I want to be an awesome role model for my daughter. Someone who she will always look up to.

I want to take control of my life.

I want to go to church every Sunday- not just show up once or twice a month.

I want to remember every moment I have with her. Her life is almost like a tape recorder in my mind playing over and over again. I remember those first few moments I had with her completely alone at 4:30am in the hospital. I had a c-section late the night before and they took her to the nursery before I was able to hold her. Doug had to leave after that and I tried my best to stay awake past the 4 hour mark they required to watch her. I passed out about 3 am but I clearly remember snapping back to life around 4:15am and immediately calling down to the nursery to have my baby brought to me. I remember it seemed to take FOREVER for them to bring her to me and I even called back a second time asking where my daughter was! They wheeled her incubator in and left. At first I just stared at her. She looked as though she were in awe- her eyes were wide open. Of course I snapped a few pics with my camera phone- every time I look at that picture of her it reminds me. I couldn't move much just having had surgery 4 hours earlier but I maneuvered my way around and picked her up to hold her. It was dark in the room and she was quiet. I was quiet. It was just she and I. I held her to my chest and laid there with her until our visitors started arriving shortly after. To me those moments are like pieces of heaven here on earth.

If Georgia is my only child I am at peace with the fact that I have truly taken advantage of being her mother. I have loved (well, come on the nights last month when she was up til 12:30pm multiple nights in a row I didn't really love...) let's say "treasured". I have truly treasured every moment. I know at the end of this journey we call life I'm never going to look back and be irritated she gave me trouble going to bed a night occasionally. Even now while it's still fresh I am glad I had the chance to rock her to sleep, comfort her and kiss her goodnight.

Maybe that is a gift God has given me as a mother- no matter how hard it is in the moment, how crazy, stressed out and tired I am I still try to realize she won't be little for long. Every day I have with her is a day I will never get back.

Tonight Georgia was singing in the bathroom. I ran and grabbed the video camera and caught some great action of her belting out some tunes. It's hilarious- I can't find my camera cord but I am going to look for it tomorrow and hopefully get it uploaded! Let's just say she may be watching a few too many Disney movies.... =)